Thursday, March 31, 2005
I also apologize, eh, for pointing out elsewhere, eh, Palmer's childish, petulant refusal to link to Bumper Hornberger's LewRockwell.com article.
And also for, like, descending into Kanuck-speak, eh?
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I, Andy Maskin, being of sound mind and body, hereby grant authority over my handling should I enter a persistent vegetative state to the United States Congress pursuant to the following conditions:
1. Congress shall convene for the sole purpose of determining whether or not I should be sustained or allowed to die. A special quorum for this session shall consist of at least 62% of the House of Representatives and 70% of the Senate present and accounted for. Both houses of Congress must each agree, by a simple majority, on the same course of action.
2. In the event of a tie in the House of Representatives, the tie shall be broken by the non-voting representative from American Samoa. If this individual is not available to break a tie, other non-voting representatives shall be called upon in the following priority:
* Puerto Rico
* U.S. Virgin Islands
* Washington DC
* A Coin Flip conducted by the youngest present congressman
Read the rest, but apologize if you think it's funny.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Thursday, March 24, 2005
On that note, I must also apologize for enjoying the wonderful taste of roasted, fried, baked, or grilled pig. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed quite a bit of bacon yesterday, so an apology is definitely in order. Damn those pigs are good! (I know, I know... sorry again)
In actuality, with but a few very notable exceptions, you may find my viewpoint to have a very strong libertarian leaning.
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
I really apologize for that one.
I also apologize for using "sorry" as a noun and for using "dreadful" to mean full-of-dread.
I have the insane notion that a man should get no more than he earns in life and the government or anyone else is responsible for my or anyone else’s well being, shame on me. I think the Constitution is pretty plainly written and needs no interpretation, how naive of me.
I sincerely apologize to all of the Neo-conic empire builders for all the times I have called you horrible names like; “murder’, “tyrant” and yes I dare say “goose stepping Nazis”. I also apologize to liberals for calling you terrible names like; “nanny”, “fruits” and dare I say again “panty-waisted goose stepping Nazis”.
Many more to follow…
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
Monday, March 21, 2005
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Thou shalt not kizzy.Hey Jude:
Thou shalt not commit adultery crazy up in here.
Thou shizzay not steal.
Thou S-H-to-tha-izzalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour n' shit.
Hey jude, don’t makes it bad.
Takes a sad S-to-tha-izzong n makes it rappa ta let hustla into yo heart,
Then you can S-T-to-tha-izzart ta makes it rappa jude, don’t be afraid.
You were made ta go out n get ha.
The minute you let pushas unda yo skin,
Then you begin ta makes it betta.
Monday, March 14, 2005
I used them to color my pictures of myself and I used the crayons marked Brown to color my pictures of my friend Floyd.
I would also like to apologize if I ever thought the crayons marked Indian Red might have been referring to Red Indians.
Friday, March 11, 2005
I apologize for not running away from home to teach him a lesson.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
When I mention Hawaii to most people, their eyes focus into the distance and they opine about how lucky I was to have lived my high school years in such a beautiful place.
I apologize for having had the "good fortune" to live in Hawaii, where, as a racial minority, I endured race-based bullying from Samoans, exclusion from ethnically Japanese social groups, and subtle racial discrimination even from teachers -- you see, Haolis like me are too outspoken, too competitive, and don't submit to authority like children should.
I apologize for thinking I understand racism in America in my own peculiar way, having lived as a Haoli in Hawaii during high school, and as a Cajun/white boy in Louisiana and Virginia during college, hearing race-based generalizations while on both sides of the fence, so to speak.
Oh, and of course I apologize for comparing my plight as a white boy in high school that got beat up after school by Kama'aina to the plight of any actual, Federally-protected, and therefore legitimate, racial minority. I'm such a bigot.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
To continue with the music chat going on today, I must confess that I'm currently listening to the music of Fela Kuti. More specifically, I'm listening to an album called Expensive Shit. Yes, that's right, the word shit is included in the title, and I must apologize for sharing that information with you. I apologize to the puritan sorts who clicked on that link, only to discover an album cover full of some of God's most wonderful creations, otherwise known as breasts.
I also apolgize for listening to an artist who once created a polygamist colony and was known for being sexist. To those who engage in the whole degrees of Kevin Bacon, guilt-by-association mindset, I must seem to be sexist myself. I assure you all that I am not, and apologize for any confusion sparked by my post.
The angry libertarians are still writing in. Let me be clear: Some of my best friends are libertarians. I voted for the libertarian candidate in 1992. The Overlord of National Review himself, William F. Buckley Jr., describes himself a "libertarian journalist." I'd let my daughter marry a libertarian (this of course discounts, rightly, the many off-color jokes about libertarian sexual preferences one hears from time to time in Washington. Such as the one about the wag who dropped his wallet at the Cato Institute and had to kick it all the way to Brookings before he'd pick it up). But should it be shocking that libertarians bring a different perspective to public-policy issues?
- I thought it was funny, but he said "is that the only joke you ever made up?" So, I apologize for it, and for the following:
- When someone calls me a moron, I say, "better than being a less-on"
- I often look at my wife, and say, "Cindy, would you marinate me? I'm sorry, I cantaloupe."
- Or when we approach the doors of a shop, I'll grab the door and jiggle it as if it's locked, and look back at her like, "I guess they're closed." Right after she gets a crestfallen look on her face, I open the door and walk inside, and she goes, "Catholic High."
- Another favorite of mine is when we walk across a parking lot or down a sidewalk, I get that secret service agent look on my face, all stern, eyes darting back and forth, and I sort of walk backwards, circle her, hold up my hand as if to direct her, etc., as if to usher her into a safety, holding up my hands against traffic, etc. Totally geekazoid. She hates it.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
I apologize for reading many of Gary North's columns on LewRockwell.com anyway.
And liking them, and profiting from them.
And recommending one of his books to a fellow homeschooling father.
I also apologize for Jonathan's name (clearly heterodox in its spelling), since he has not yet offered such an apology. I apologize for offering an apology in his stead, though I am not his agent in such matters. I apologize for not being his agent.
I apologize for remaining sympathetic to the claim.
I apologize for having studied my ass off in acquiring my knowledge of mathematics, since I have not been very good at smiling sheepishly when someone tells me they are "not that good" at math and wish they were as "gifted" as me in the subject.
I apologize for spending so much time in efforts that clearly hurt others by making them feel inferior. In particular, I refer to acts such as:
- Retaking a class in multivariable calculus over the summer of 1989, just to improve my knowledge of the subject
- Making A's in all of my math classes except undergrad differential equations
- Picking a master's thesis topic that involved deriving and solving multiple partial differential equations by arcane techniques, such as orthogonal collocation
- Retaking a class in vector calculus in Fall 1998, just to improve my knowledge of the subject
- Buying and reading books like Div, Grad, Curl, and All That just for fun
- Autodidactic endeavors to learn probability theory and statistics
I apologize for not feeling guilty about all of this.
I apologize for not apologizing earlier.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Sunday, March 06, 2005
I apologize for thinking “Burger King” the first time I read BK’s name (I was clearly not the only one). And I apologize for picturing him as looking like Darius* Rucker from the new Burger King ads, even though I know he doesn’t.
*Darius, Marcus, there is something there but I won’t go into it. I don’t need anything else to have to apologize for.
I apologize for not paying the premium cable channel for the dubious privilege of participating in their exploitation and objectification of all women everywhere.
I apologize both to women and the premium cable channel that I then tried to watch the blurry images after not paying for the crisp clean version of the images.
I apologize for doing so many screen captures of the scrambled versions of the intellectual property of the unpaid premium cable channel.
I apologize for wondering if I get to take back some of my apology to all women since I didn't actually remunerate the premium cable channel for their exploitative objectification .
I would also like to apologize that my shameful erotic preferences are so heteronormative. I realize I should also exploit and objectify men, especially since I wouldn't have to apologize for that quite so much.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
I apologize for calling the unisex wash room, the misogynistic heteroname: "Men's Room."
I apologize in advance for using the terms "man," "woman," "sex," "penis," "testes," "mojo," and "circlejerk."
Friday, March 04, 2005
And I'm sorry I just referred to Native Americans as Indians.
In fact, I'm sorry I ever called anyone an "Indian giver" when I clearly should have called them a "Native American giver" instead.
Ported over from my StephanKinsella.com blog...
Daily White Hetero Southern Male Apology: I apologize today for being white. I apologize to Tom Palmer and his dimwit-Serioso ilk for having a sense of humor, and for not having a stick up my ass. I apologize for the Holocaust and slavery. I apologize for not apologizing earlier, and for any deficiencies of this apology. I apologize for being a neoConfederate even though I am not one. And I better apologize for not being a neoConfederate too, just to cover all bases. I apologize for not being a bigot, and for defending people who are not bigots from false charges of bigotry.
Please help me think of things to apologize for, since we must ever appease our fellow dimwit-Serioso libertarians and other totalitarian-minded dimwits.