Q: Does it ever get windy in
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Q: Which direction is north in
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the
Q: Can I wear high heels in
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of a bear and lives in trees. (
A: It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.