Bad Jokes

I told Jeff Tucker this joke: imagine a feminist fast food joint, w/ a big sign, "don't you patronize me!"

• I thought it was funny, but he said "is that the only joke you ever made up?" So, I apologize for it, and for the following:
• When someone calls me a moron, I say, "better than being a less-on"
• I often look at my wife, and say, "Cindy, would you marinate me? I'm sorry, I cantaloupe."
• Or when we approach the doors of a shop, I'll grab the door and jiggle it as if it's locked, and look back at her like, "I guess they're closed." Right after she gets a crestfallen look on her face, I open the door and walk inside, and she goes, "Catholic High."
• Another favorite of mine is when we walk across a parking lot or down a sidewalk, I get that secret service agent look on my face, all stern, eyes darting back and forth, and I sort of walk backwards, circle her, hold up my hand as if to direct her, etc., as if to usher her into a safety, holding up my hands against traffic, etc. Totally geekazoid. She hates it.