Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Blog Look

1. I thank Burger King for helping me tweak some of the fonts and layout of this here blog.

2. I apologize for thanking him on a blog dedicated to apologies, not gratitude.

Schiavo, K-Dog, Savage, and Palmer

Okay, like, eh, I apologize, eh, for telling K-dog that her position on Schiavo is a bit embarrassing, eh, because it's similar to the comments of that Morton-Downey-Jr.-esque idiot Michael Savage without also noting that my own view (2) on Schiavo is uncomfortably close to the perspective of the obsessed PC egalitarian Tom Palmer.

I also apologize, eh, for pointing out elsewhere, eh, Palmer's childish, petulant refusal to link to Bumper Hornberger's article.

And also for, like, descending into Kanuck-speak, eh?

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I Apologize For Finding This Funny

Though I consider the Terri Schiavo case to be quite serious, I laughed a few times at this mock living will I found on Strike the Root, and I apologize. The Living Will stipulates:
I, Andy Maskin, being of sound mind and body, hereby grant authority over my handling should I enter a persistent vegetative state to the United States Congress pursuant to the following conditions:

1. Congress shall convene for the sole purpose of determining whether or not I should be sustained or allowed to die. A special quorum for this session shall consist of at least 62% of the House of Representatives and 70% of the Senate present and accounted for. Both houses of Congress must each agree, by a simple majority, on the same course of action.
2. In the event of a tie in the House of Representatives, the tie shall be broken by the non-voting representative from American Samoa. If this individual is not available to break a tie, other non-voting representatives shall be called upon in the following priority:
* Guam
* Puerto Rico
* U.S. Virgin Islands
* Washington DC
* A Coin Flip conducted by the youngest present congressman

Read the rest, but apologize if you think it's funny.

Friday, March 25, 2005

atom feed!

Just fixed the feed for this site.... due to a glitch, when I moved it from blogspot it was still putting the feed there. Now it's working.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Cops 'n pigs

I may have never uttered the words "kill cops", but I used to refer to cops as being "pigs" all the time. I must apologize for that, both to actual pigs and to pig lovers. It was really insensitive for me to sully the clean (well, mostly) reputation of our pink critter pals.

On that note, I must also apologize for enjoying the wonderful taste of roasted, fried, baked, or grilled pig. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed quite a bit of bacon yesterday, so an apology is definitely in order. Damn those pigs are good! (I know, I know... sorry again)

Kill Cops Apology

I apologize for humorously typing "Kill Cops" as the banner on my cell phone, but I thought it went nicely with the pink accents and the beach scene from my phone's pre-installed wallpaper. No, I don't have any intention of killing any cops. I just want them all to go away or at least leave me alone. If they promise to leave me alone, and never bother me, I will remove the banner from my phone. In its place I will likely write something similarly nonsensical.

Sorry to be so scary

I must also apologize to BKMARCUS, seems I scared him the first day on the site. I knew my views were unique but certainly never thought them to be "scary".

In actuality, with but a few very notable exceptions, you may find my viewpoint to have a very strong libertarian leaning.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
El Cid

High School

I apologize for referring to my school administration as fascist after they caused me to miss a day of AP calculus and AP english to take a standardized test (that serves no purpose beside determining my school's funding).

Terry Schiavo

I have noticed that throughout the din of controversy about the Terry Schiavo case, no one seems to be asking the obvious question: is she a Democrat, or not? That, of course, has bearing on the legitimacy of killing her.

I really apologize for that one.

dreadful sorry

I would like to apologize for preferring the term paleoliberal to all the other paleo alternatives. I would like to apologize for my profound suspicion toward paleoconservatives and conservatives of pretty much every other prefix. I apologize for not having any conservative friends. And I apologize for still having leftist friends. No really, I do. Apologize, I mean. I would like to apologize to anyone reading this blog for the presence of El Cid, and I would like to apologize to El Cid for singling him out. (But honestly, El Cid, you scare me. I apologize.)

I also apologize for using "sorry" as a noun and for using "dreadful" to mean full-of-dread.

Driviling, Sniviling Apologies

I must publicly apologize that I was fortunate enough to grow up in a nation that professes to love liberty and that I am dim enough to actually believe in the idea of liberty. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and for this I ought to be punished. I am a Christian and for this I ought to be crucified. My Paleo-Conservative ideologies are surely offensive to many and for this I must apologize. My occasional Libertarian leanings are no doubt offensive to others.

I have the insane notion that a man should get no more than he earns in life and the government or anyone else is responsible for my or anyone else’s well being, shame on me. I think the Constitution is pretty plainly written and needs no interpretation, how naive of me.

I sincerely apologize to all of the Neo-conic empire builders for all the times I have called you horrible names like; “murder’, “tyrant” and yes I dare say “goose stepping Nazis”. I also apologize to liberals for calling you terrible names like; “nanny”, “fruits” and dare I say again “panty-waisted goose stepping Nazis”.

Many more to follow…

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
El Cid

Monday, March 21, 2005


To begin, I apologize for being white, male, heterosexual, protestant, and libertarian. I also apologize for recommending Thomas Woods' book in my blog and repeatedly comparing the Federal Government to the Mafia.

Welcome to the Daily Apology! (again)

Welcome to the Daily Apology! An offshoot of my libertarian blog, it was Burger King Marcus's idea that I do a separate blog here. Email me if you want permission to blog. Or just comment!


PLEASE NOTE: The Daily Apology has been moved to its own domain, All posts have been relocated to the new site for The Daily Apology.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Me Too

I apologize for not having responded to this blogging invation much sooner. More apologies to come soon.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hail Satan Apology

I would like to apologize for marrying a Satanist.

(That's Satanist, not Statist! I do have some standards.)

I hope you believe me when I insist that I knew nothing of this when we signed the pre-nup.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I Apologize for Laughing at this Joke

Q: What's Strong Enough For A Man But Made For A Woman?

A: The back of my hand.

Really, I am sorry.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


I apologize for thinking the new search engine, Gizoogle, is funny. It's "Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit." Example of gizoogle's version of the 10 Commandments:
Thou shalt not kizzy.
Thou shalt not commit adultery crazy up in here.
Thou shizzay not steal.
Thou S-H-to-tha-izzalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour n' shit.
Hey Jude:
Hey jude, don’t makes it bad.
Takes a sad S-to-tha-izzong n makes it rappa ta let hustla into yo heart,
Then you can S-T-to-tha-izzart ta makes it rappa jude, don’t be afraid.
You were made ta go out n get ha.
The minute you let pushas unda yo skin,
Then you begin ta makes it betta.

Printer paper

I apologize for taking paper from the large photocopier's paper drawer when my desk printer at work runs out, instead of opening up a new ream of paper my own self.

Monday, March 14, 2005

flesh-colored crayons

Arts and crafts projectsI would like to apologize for thinking that the crayons marked Peach were really flesh-colored.

I used them to color my pictures of myself and I used the crayons marked Brown to color my pictures of my friend Floyd.

I would also like to apologize if I ever thought the crayons marked Indian Red might have been referring to Red Indians.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Willie Horton

When I was growing up, on occasion a face like Willie Horton's would be shown on the news. My Dad, never one to spout racist epithets, would sometimes quietly mutter under his breath, a bit disgusted and sarcastic, "That's intelligent."

I apologize for not running away from home to teach him a lesson.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Gay word

I apologize for feeling a bit gay on those rare occasions when I find the need to use the word meniscis.

I grew up in Hawaii!

My dad was in the Air Force, and we moved to Hawaii in 1983, when I was 12. I lived there until I graduated from high school, in 1988.

When I mention Hawaii to most people, their eyes focus into the distance and they opine about how lucky I was to have lived my high school years in such a beautiful place.

I apologize for having had the "good fortune" to live in Hawaii, where, as a racial minority, I endured race-based bullying from Samoans, exclusion from ethnically Japanese social groups, and subtle racial discrimination even from teachers -- you see, Haolis like me are too outspoken, too competitive, and don't submit to authority like children should.

I apologize for thinking I understand racism in America in my own peculiar way, having lived as a Haoli in Hawaii during high school, and as a Cajun/white boy in Louisiana and Virginia during college, hearing race-based generalizations while on both sides of the fence, so to speak.

Oh, and of course I apologize for comparing my plight as a white boy in high school that got beat up after school by Kama'aina to the plight of any actual, Federally-protected, and therefore legitimate, racial minority. I'm such a bigot.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Initial apologies from the new guy

I'd like to start off by thanking Stephan and BK for inviting me to the party. For those who object to yet another addition to the anti-dimwit-serioso artillery, please accept my apology.

To continue with the music chat going on today, I must confess that I'm currently listening to the music of Fela Kuti. More specifically, I'm listening to an album called Expensive Shit. Yes, that's right, the word shit is included in the title, and I must apologize for sharing that information with you. I apologize to the puritan sorts who clicked on that link, only to discover an album cover full of some of God's most wonderful creations, otherwise known as breasts.

I also apolgize for listening to an artist who once created a polygamist colony and was known for being sexist. To those who engage in the whole degrees of Kevin Bacon, guilt-by-association mindset, I must seem to be sexist myself. I assure you all that I am not, and apologize for any confusion sparked by my post.

Combo Number 5

Gil, that egg song was spooky in a dorky Asian sort of way. I confess to--nay, apologize for--having played repeatedly this catchy tune, Combo Number 5. Also, I find the background music on this employment law firm site to be mesmerizing; sometimes I let it repeat for hours while I work. Again, for this, I apologize. To hear it, click here, then click "Intro to WEMED."

Jonah Goldberg and Bigotry

Despite our differences, there are some things that I stand in solidarity with Tom Palmer on. For example, I'm sure he was outraged by Jonah Goldberg's homophobic joke, and I condemn it as well. Indeed, Jonah: Apologize. (Although, maybe Palmer has forgiven him already, since both NRO and Cato are now allies--e.g., both are pro-state and anti-Rothbard. I kid, I kid!) The joke appeared in the Goldberg File:
The angry libertarians are still writing in. Let me be clear: Some of my best friends are libertarians. I voted for the libertarian candidate in 1992. The Overlord of National Review himself, William F. Buckley Jr., describes himself a "libertarian journalist." I'd let my daughter marry a libertarian (this of course discounts, rightly, the many off-color jokes about libertarian sexual preferences one hears from time to time in Washington. Such as the one about the wag who dropped his wallet at the Cato Institute and had to kick it all the way to Brookings before he'd pick it up). But should it be shocking that libertarians bring a different perspective to public-policy issues?

Bad Jokes

I told Jeff Tucker this joke: imagine a feminist fast food joint, w/ a big sign, "don't you patronize me!"
  • I thought it was funny, but he said "is that the only joke you ever made up?" So, I apologize for it, and for the following:
  • When someone calls me a moron, I say, "better than being a less-on"
  • I often look at my wife, and say, "Cindy, would you marinate me? I'm sorry, I cantaloupe."
  • Or when we approach the doors of a shop, I'll grab the door and jiggle it as if it's locked, and look back at her like, "I guess they're closed." Right after she gets a crestfallen look on her face, I open the door and walk inside, and she goes, "Catholic High."
  • Another favorite of mine is when we walk across a parking lot or down a sidewalk, I get that secret service agent look on my face, all stern, eyes darting back and forth, and I sort of walk backwards, circle her, hold up my hand as if to direct her, etc., as if to usher her into a safety, holding up my hands against traffic, etc. Totally geekazoid. She hates it.

egg song apology

I apologize for liking this egg-cellent song. And linking to it. And using the non-word "egg-cellent".

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

this blog is a stupid idea apology

I apologize for initially thinking: this blog is a stupid idea, is limited in appeal, and has no worthy goal. I apologize for joining anyway, and posting so much.

Long live the apology!

I apologize for that outburst.

Gary North apology

I apologize for agreeing with Jonathan Rowe: I have no idea why Gary North holds such illiberal views and yet associates with libertarians.

I apologize for reading many of Gary North's columns on anyway.

And liking them, and profiting from them.

And recommending one of his books to a fellow homeschooling father.

I also apologize for Jonathan's name (clearly heterodox in its spelling), since he has not yet offered such an apology. I apologize for offering an apology in his stead, though I am not his agent in such matters. I apologize for not being his agent.

mathematical prowess apology

I apologize for once being sympathetic to Robert Heinlein's character's claim, from his book Time Enough for Love: "Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house."

I apologize for remaining sympathetic to the claim.

I apologize for having studied my ass off in acquiring my knowledge of mathematics, since I have not been very good at smiling sheepishly when someone tells me they are "not that good" at math and wish they were as "gifted" as me in the subject.

I apologize for spending so much time in efforts that clearly hurt others by making them feel inferior. In particular, I refer to acts such as:

  • Retaking a class in multivariable calculus over the summer of 1989, just to improve my knowledge of the subject
  • Making A's in all of my math classes except undergrad differential equations
  • Picking a master's thesis topic that involved deriving and solving multiple partial differential equations by arcane techniques, such as orthogonal collocation
  • Retaking a class in vector calculus in Fall 1998, just to improve my knowledge of the subject
  • Buying and reading books like Div, Grad, Curl, and All That just for fun
  • Autodidactic endeavors to learn probability theory and statistics

I apologize for not feeling guilty about all of this.

I apologize for not apologizing earlier.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Nihilistic Apology

I apologize for berating nihilistic nihilists by mocking their fanciful world-of-make-believe.

I apologize for trying to convince others that convincing others is worthwhile.

Burger King Apology

I apologize for thinking “Burger King” the first time I read BK’s name (I was clearly not the only one). And I apologize for picturing him as looking like Darius* Rucker from the new Burger King ads, even though I know he doesn’t.

That's the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch BK Marcus Burger King apology. The Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch BK Marcus Burger King apology.

*Darius, Marcus, there is something there but I won’t go into it. I don’t need anything else to have to apologize for.

on behalf of the 48%

I apologize for trying to watch a cable program that I knew would exploit 52% of the population by objectifying the sexy .02% of the population.

I apologize for not paying the premium cable channel for the dubious privilege of participating in their exploitation and objectification of all women everywhere.

I apologize both to women and the premium cable channel that I then tried to watch the blurry images after not paying for the crisp clean version of the images.

I apologize for doing so many screen captures of the scrambled versions of the intellectual property of the unpaid premium cable channel.

I apologize for wondering if I get to take back some of my apology to all women since I didn't actually remunerate the premium cable channel for their exploitative objectification .

I would also like to apologize that my shameful erotic preferences are so heteronormative. I realize I should also exploit and objectify men, especially since I wouldn't have to apologize for that quite so much.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Wang Apology

I apologize for having a wang and for using it on occassion.

I apologize for calling the unisex wash room, the misogynistic heteroname: "Men's Room."

I apologize in advance for using the terms "man," "woman," "sex," "penis," "testes," "mojo," and "circlejerk."

Cyber Stalking Apology

I apologize for Cyberstalking Karen De Coster, even though I didn’t. I apologize for co-signing with my father for the minimum financing of his new truck so he could take advantage of manufacturer incentives. I apologize for having good credit, as that would make it easier for me to participate transactions involving parties with corrupt business models. I further apologize for not paying enough attention to Karen De Coster’s blog posts or for paying too much attention.

Friday, March 04, 2005

eurocentric foot-in-mouth

I apologize for my ancestors killing all those Indians with guns, booze, and blankets -- even though my ancestors hadn't yet come to North America when any of that happened. (But the people who did the Indian-killing sort of looked like my ancestors, and I apologize for the resemblance.)

And I'm sorry I just referred to Native Americans as Indians.

In fact, I'm sorry I ever called anyone an "Indian giver" when I clearly should have called them a "Native American giver" instead.

Blog Invitation Apology

I apologize for accepting the invitation to blog on this blog. I apologize for associating with white hetero southern males like Stephan Kinsella. I apologize for all my past and future actions. I apologize for not apologizing earlier.

chemical engineer apology

For my inaugural post, I apologize for being a chemical engineer. As explained to me by an art student while in college at a party one night, I am nothing but a cog in the machinery of environmental disaster. For this, and much more, I apologize. More later.

Misogynistic Post

I apologize for this post, which objectifies beautiful female breasts.

Feminist Joke

I apologize for telling the following joke:
Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny. That's really not funny.

Palmer Apology

I also apologize for my fellow libertarian, Tom Palmer's, hypersensitivity and extreme, irrational, unfair anti-Southern bias.

Lesbo Apology

Today, I would like to apologize for having watched every episode of The L Word.

Lawyer apology

I also apologize for being a lawyer. And, er..., for being a self-hating lawyer. And... for stealing the "self-hating" term from the dimwit-Seriosos.

Daily White Hetero Souther Male Apology

Ported over from my blog...

Daily White Hetero Southern Male Apology: I apologize today for being white. I apologize to Tom Palmer and his dimwit-Serioso ilk for having a sense of humor, and for not having a stick up my ass. I apologize for the Holocaust and slavery. I apologize for not apologizing earlier, and for any deficiencies of this apology. I apologize for being a neoConfederate even though I am not one. And I better apologize for not being a neoConfederate too, just to cover all bases. I apologize for not being a bigot, and for defending people who are not bigots from false charges of bigotry.

Please help me think of things to apologize for, since we must ever appease our fellow dimwit-Serioso libertarians and other totalitarian-minded dimwits.

Welcome to the Daily Apology!

Welcome to the Daily Apology! An offshoot of my libertarian blog, it was Burger King Marcus's idea that I do a separate blog here. Email me if you want permission to blog. Or just comment!