Funny Australian Travel Questions

Not sure if this is legit (see version here), but it's fricking hilarious in any case.

"The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a raw sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of a bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Quoting La Me

I apologize for quoting myself: from this Chronicles thread:

I agree that most people do not want liberty; that is why we do not have it. IMO those who think we can "win" the battle for liberty are just deluding themselves. Why libertarians, who denounce altruism etc., feel as if it's some moral duty to go around wasting large parts of their life in some campaign for liberty is beyond me--it's altruistic; it's futile; it's a waste of time, since one is at most barely increasing the odds, that we will temporarily and slightly increase liberty, the puny benefit of which falls primarily on those who do not deserve it.

I have spoken. So let it be written, so let it be done (affecting Yul Brenner Pharao pose)

Coda:

In the wake of some emails, let me add a few clarifying commments. I am not saying that it is a waste of time to try to work for liberty. To the contrary. I am saying that one would have to view it as a waste of time, if one really believed the costs of fighting the battle must be justified by the gains achieved--because one must delude oneself into making the equation balance. I just reject the equation. I help fight for liberty because it is the right thing to do. If I strutted around like some libertarians who claim that in their devotion to the struggle for liberty they are "making a difference"--certainly "more of a difference" than people like me who don't write "influential books" or a daily op-ed column or give speeches to socialist legislators in Arabia--then if I were honest I would have to say, it's really not worth it. If the justification for spending time and effort and money etc. to fight for liberty is whether or not we are "winning," then the project is a failure, on those terms. As I noted above, the actions of most of us at most result in a slightly higher chance at barely, and temporarily, increasing liberty--or, more likely, slowing down the rate of increase in government growth--primarily for the benefit of the masses who at root are to blame for the problem in the first place. And honest analysis realizes this.

Freeing oneself from self-delusion is essential for self-honesty and integrity. It also frees one to take principled positions and to avoid making the dishonest and irritating mistake of judging the truth or value of a theory or view by its "strategical" significance.

I cannot count the number of times some irritating jerk libertarian says to me, in response to a theory or normative proposition, "but that is not going to persuade anyone." They immediately assume that everything is to be judged by strategy, rhetoric, persuasiveness. I see nothing wrong with using such standards when appropriate. For example if I am proposing a method or argument to persuade people, then it is relevant whether the proposed argument or technique is persuasive. But when I assert to a fellow libertarian that we have a right to such and such, or that there is no right to xyz, for such and such reasons--it is just a non sequitur, a category mistake--and usually smarmy disingenuity, IMO--to say BUT that is not "going to persuade people." Hey dumbass--I never said it was gonna persuade others. These type of libertarians are in my view basically moral skeptics, relativists, and/or utilitarians. They are incapable of discussing anything normative. Moral talk is simply not "useful." What good, after all, does it to do identify moral truths, if it does not persuade others?

By this logic, there are no rights violations; there is only power. After all, even if libertarian rights could be proved by the Word of God delivered in an engraved envelope--still, an aggressor could disregard it. "Telling" him that he is violating your rights will "do no good." Yes. So? And so? What is the point of this elementary school observation? This entire mindset is that of the self-proclaimed "pragmatist" who does not want to say there are no rights--after all, it might be "useful" if some people do believe in them--but he does not really believe in them. He, in engineer-like fashion, cares only about "practical" "results." And I have no problem with this. But I would prefer they be honest. If I say, "there should be no murder," don't say "that's not practical"; it's not "impractical"; it's a normative truth. To say the rule against murder is "impractical" is to fail to distinguish between ought and is.

Every 5-15 years you see some libertarians waxing about how we are winning the battle, or that we can win the battle, all we need to do is... As far back as the 1930s etc.... They have to delude themselves and engage in wishful thinking and rah-rah political rally self-delusion ("we can win! we can win the Presidency! This year we will get 100 million votes if we just get our message out there!!!"). They have to delude themselves because they have bought into the idea that the cost of the fight is a worthwhile "investment" in the struggle to "achieve" liberty. They must believe that worth it to fight for liberty, implying they think we have, or can, achieve suffiient "gains" to "outweigh" the "Costs". This is naive and wide-eyed gullibility, wishful thinking.

Me--I say, be a libertarian activist if you want (of whatever stripe: more academic, like some of us; a blogger; a writer; join a local discussion group; run for office; donate your time or money to something; help promote economic education and literacy; whatever). I am, myself, to a degree. It's okay to spend effort on a cause one is passionate about. I expend effort reading science fiction, and don't seek to justify it w/ some made-up phantom tangible gains. Fight for liberty for its own sake. If you fight for it based on the gains, you will soon give up.

Please forgive me

It has been over a month since I last fired my 9mm. I am going to the gym more often and drinking less beer and have eliminated junk food. I have lost weight and bulked up. Also, I will be getting a haircut, an oil change, tire rotation/balacing and alignment this weekend. I did laundry and backed up a hard drive. What's wrong with me!?

Called to the Bar

I am very annoyed when lawyers--usually pretentious foreigners from Europe or some third world backwater, or do I repeat myself--say things like, "He was called to the bar in 1992..." Gag me. As bad as "He was graduated from Harvard..."

Also, I notice many Europeans put their last name in all caps, like my co-author Noah RUBINS. Not sure why they do this. It's on the verge of being annoying, but I think there may be some reason.

World's Worst Weatherman

Here. Thanks to Swim Tanson.

stevedores

I apologize for having the inexplicable gut feeling that use of this term is a bit nelly.

Falling Woman; cool quote

1. Interesting animation of a bikini-clad, animated woman falling through a balloon-populated sky.

2. "The matter does not appear to me now as it appears to have appeared to me then." --Baron Bramwell, in Andrews v. Styrap (Ex. 1872) 26 L.T.R. (N.S.) 704, 706.

Yuppie Birthday Parties

When I was a kid, we had simple birthday parties. A cake, maybe a pin the tail on the donkey, often under someone's carport, with makeshift tables set up. A few cheap paper conical hats perhaps.

Now that I have 2-year old, and live in a big city with a bunch of yuppie breeder friends, a trend that I had only been dimly aware of is starting to manifest itself more clearly to me. It's now routine for parents to have over-the-top birthday parties, inviting dozens of kids with any connection to their own--neighbors, classmates, what have you. I know parents who have to go to 3 or more such parties in a given weekend. I went to one this morning myself; and am having another at my own house this afternoon (but family only, thank God).

The kids love it. It's often done off-site, at a place like Gymboree, or an indoor soccer stadium, or indoor playground (Houston is HOT in the summer), with various personnel hired to entertain the kids--clown, referee, "poodle lady", whatever. Catered food, for both kids and adults. I am not sure if they try to outdo each other, but they are sure lavish. And now it's standard to provide "party favors"--little parting gifts for the kids attending, so they don't feel "left out". Aww, we are so careful not to bruise their precious little egos nowadays, aren't we?

The worst thing, as my wife pointed out, is the kids don't even open their gifts there--it's like a wedding reception, with tons of loot piled on a table somewhere, to be opened later, with thank you cards duly mailed out. Ridiculous.

However, if there are at least 2 milfs present, it helps ease the pain.

UN approves new international symbol for "marriage"

As reported here -- "After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission of Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage." (similar report here).

Will the REAL Tom Palmer Please Stand Up?

See the post on Palmer Periscope; comments should go there.

Is this Palmer?

See post on Palmer Periscope.

Wiki on Mises and SPLC

Addendum: Wiki rejects this blog post as authority for the contention that "some view SPLC as hypocritical and PC" etc. Please comment below w/ any links or sources you are aware of that criticize SPLC.

***

From Wiki's entry on Mises:

the Southern Poverty Law Center alleges the Mises Institute to be a Neo-confederate organization, though its application of this term is controversial.

In my view, this kind of charge is merely the result of an excess of political correctness run amok. The politically-correct and liberal types often hypocritically excuse or whitewash the genocides and mass murders committed during the twentieth century by governments they would otherwise view as benevolent. Charges of Neo-confederacy and the like fly in the face of the tremendous amount of anti-socialist and anti-Fascist writing on the Institute's website and demonstrated in their programs, e.g. seminars such as the The Economics of Fascism.

I have edited the Wiki entry a bit; others may be interested in correcting the entry (or massaging my own comments as noted above) but should do so from a neutral point of view only.

The Wiki entry may link to this very post, so feel free to post comments below criticizing groups like SPLC who would make such ridiculous allegations.

GNAA

Re this site: I apologize for ... umm... nevermind. (Wiki entry)

Niger Innis typo

I apologize for MSNBC doing this (2) to Niger Innis. And for thinking to myself, "Roy Innis, what were you smoking when you chose your kid's name?"

Literary Apologies

I have fallen to the Harry Potter mania and have bought the latest book. I have decided to read that instead of *gasp* Atlas Shrugged. Perhaps I don't need to apologize about this after all...

Plain Text

I hate people who send me emails formatted in plain text. When I reply, I need to convert it to HTML, then change the format back to normal, etc. Dumb morons.

Almost as bad are those who forward me a 17th-generation forwarded email, where each previous forwarder was too fricking stupid to remove the forward info so that the meat is buried 17 floors below in a nest of headers. Or, it's one email attached to another, and so on, you have to drill down 3 or 5 levels to find the original. And they are invariably all these 7th grade level humor things or some dumb religious crap or pro-war or anti-Arab humor. Jesus. If tree-huggers are the brain-numb foot soldiers of liberalism, these blue collar rubes are their Republican analog.

Here's another. I ask someone to fax me something on FINE mode. "Do whutt?" I explain it to them, "Look, there's a button on your fax... oh fucking nevermind."

Annoying also are the dipwads who send me email with stationary font in the background. Or they put their name in script font, sometimes in blue color. What, do they think that'll fool me?

And why do some poeple insist on deleting context when they reply to an email. Do they think the CIA is tailing them?

And I love these ignant morons who, when you send them a PDF file attached, say, "Uhhh, Ah cain't open it. Eeet won't open." I invariably say, "Do you have the latest version of the free Adobe Acrobat reader?" And if the answer is, "Uhhhmmm, how would I know that," then I know the answer is no.

And if I see one more person click twice on a hyperlink, I will go berzerk.

NASA, Palmer, and the Handicapped

Three apologies today.

First, for this joke: Hey, did you hear the shuttle launch was canceled? Yeah, NASA couldn't afford the gas.

Second: for wasting my time battling with Palmer.

Third: Yesterday I picked my baby up from school during a bad thunderstorm. On a fairly main road that was getting too flooded for normal cars, I just plowed through with my trusty Land Rover. I hit a huge patch of water creating a huge arc of water spraying up from the passenger side wheels; my baby was delighted. So I did it again; and then espied on the sidewalk, inexplicably, this nurse lady pushing some handicapped kid in a wheelchair--in a thunderstorm. I saw her raise her arms over her head and a look of fear on her face, as my tsunami wave arced over toward her. I felt so bad, but nothing I could do; I hit the brakes, but the spray of water was on its way to her. I had passed her but I am sure the wave of water drenched her and her poor handicapped kid (who were no doubt wet already from the storm). I really apologize!

some hnn comments restored

Following up on this post: the comments on hnn were not deleted. The links to them were. I had some links saved from my previous duplicate posts, so was able to get some of them. They provide some context for some of my comments:

• From the Miserable Libertarians post: some comments; and some more comments
• From the I'll Let You Know In A Couple Years post: some comments

Anyone reading these comments and my other comments elsewhere in this blog can judge for themselves whether or not Palmer is relentlessly on the attack (as are, to varying degrees, others including Steve Horwitz and Charles Johnson--have I left anyone out?).

hnn comments deleted

I can't say I'm surprised--but some of the hnn threads I have posted on recently, primarily arguing with Tom Palmer and combatting his repeated libels of fellow libertarians, have been deleted. The editors means only to cut off comments but inadvertently deleted the comments. Nonetheless, I'm not surprised, as can be seen from the last several posts where I re-posted some of my comments there, on this blog, just in case they ended up disappearing.

Here are the posts that mention the deletion of the comments sections:

• Civility (Jason Kuznicki)
  
• More Civility (Steven Horwitz)
  
• Hear, Hear, Libertarian Gaggism! (my comment, Do Not Equate the Initiator with the Victim, is reproduced below--guess why)

***

There is of course nothing unlibertarian with "private" censorship; the fact that we feel compelled to explain this to each other is a bit depressing.

Personally I do not buy into the "both sides need to simmer down" type of view. My opinion is this: Tom Palmer (and some others, to varying degrees) repeatedly resort to personal attacks on the character and motives of fellow libertarians, as part of a response to substantive discussions. The motivations behind our views are questioned and snidely impugned, etc. It's to the point where if you have a differing view on federalism, it's because you come from the "fever swamp" of neo-confederate slavery apology. These type of personal attacks and libel seem to me to be prohibited by this blog.

It is not surprising that others, such as me, respond to these completely outrageous, uncivilized attacks on the character and motives of people I know to be decent people and sincere advocates of liberty. If anyone wants to equate my or others' response to the outrageous personal attacks of Tom Palmer or others, they are free to make this mistake. But just as there is a difference between initiating force and responding to it, there is a difference between launching an assault on someone and the response to it.

I and others that are regularly attacked by Palmer et al. are perfectly happy to go about our merry way, trying to understand and advocate liberty as we see it. There is no need to respond in a non-civil way to people who are not already breaching rules of civility, etiquette, courtesy, charity, decency, and honesty.

In my view personal attacks like those hurled by Palmer and implicitly or snidely suggested by others on this forum, ought to be prevented or a warning issued. But until this is done, I can tell you right now, whenever I see anyone maligning decent, fellow libertarians and impugning their motives, suggesting outrageous things like racism, bigotry, anti-semitism, I am going to call a spade a spade and denounce it. Ban me for doing this if you will. It's your property.

The problem is that Tom Palmer has demonstrated he will not treat me or others affiliated with the Mises Institute with civility, other than calling me "Mr. Kinsella." So blinded by malevolence and irrational emotions is he, he hardly sees us as humans, much less libertarian. Just like liberals, who act morally superior despite being willing to inflict terrible harm on individuals, Palmer here has the gall to adopt a superior stance all the while acting like an utter cad.

And I also posted this reply:

And a good place to intercede might be at the first sign of a personal attack on a fellow poster or fellow libertarian. This would include allegations that the other libertarian has a given, say, political or constitutional view because he does not care about liberty, or is racist, or anti-semitic, or yearns for slavery, or is not a "real" libertarian. It would include snide comments that imply the advocate of a given argument has evil, hidden, unlibertarian motives.

In fact, since accusing someone of anti-semitism, bigotry, racism, etc., are arguably libelous, not to mention outrageous and not conducive to honest discourse, it would be a very good idea for a given forum not to tolerate it.

No offense, Tom Palmer.

More hnn replies

A few more posted here, in case hnn deletes them.

First, this reply:

P-dog writes:

A very weak retort. Thomas Jefferson did not lead a revolution for the purpose of furthering slavery. The signers of the South Carolina secession resolution did. There's a difference. Evidently you don't get it. A libertarian, on the other hand, would.

Ah. I see. Can't reply direclty to my own post--don't want to sully your hands. It's all electrons, Tom, you know. And no one cares about you finnicky rules. You insinuate here I am not a libertarian. I think you are not one. So there. Where are we now? Fisticuffs? On Segways?

Look, you obviously have a carefully-mapped out list of what is permitted, and what is not. It's okay to worship Jefferson, even though he owned slaves and raped one of them... but not to admire Jeff Davis, who freed his slaves.... because of "the" "purpose" of the "secession." Jefferson was in favor of secession... so was Jeff Davis... both secessions resulted in independent nations where slavery was legal... hmm, but "the" "purpose" --heck, I didn't konw there was "a" "the" purpose. You sure are smart, Tom.

Jusy give us the list of officially approved rules (run it by your benefactor first, would you) so we will know how to conform to the new world order.

And another one:

P-dog sayeth:

When someone says that I'm a contrarian at root, I'm tempted to deny it.

Interesting. Do they say that to you often? I don't think anyone's ever told me that. But then, I mostly hang out with normal people, most of whom have never used the term "contrarian" in their life.

But in this case, it would be true. To be a "contrarian" per se is just to be contrary: against what others believe. I believe in liberty. It is a positive value. I want it and I work for it. That's the difference between libertarians and people who are merely "anti-state." The latter are merely against something, but not for a positive alternative.

And here goes the shiv. P-dog first subtly implies that we--you know, the ones he constantly libels on his smearblog--are "merely" anti-state. This is ridiculous. As Roderick Long pointed out on this thread, "Pessimism?? Is this pessimism?" Of course, P-dog does not reply to Roderick (and strangely, he will not bash his friends or others with some weird immunity, even though they share the same views he schizophrenically attacks in others associted with this bete noir, the Mises Institute--you know, the big, hairy, evil group--ghoulish, he calls them elsewhere, who have "opened the gates of hell" (his words)--who ummm, promotes free-market, Austrian economics and, er, umm, libertarianism. Yeah, they are SCARY, SCARY. .... BOO!).

We are not "merely anti-state". We are of course in favor of rights and liberty. Has Palmer ever heard of, oh, I don't know, the fricking JOURNAL OF LIBERTARIAN STUDIES? Or Reason Papers, which Mises Institute hosts? Can P-dog with a straight face deny that the Mises Institute promotes the thought of Mises and Rothbard? Would either be called "mere" anti-statist? with no positive views about liberty, or rights? This is ridiculous.

As for being "for a positive alternative," now we get to the nub of the matter. I suggest Lew Rockwell's article Regime Libertarians. Just because not all libertarians are compromising, sell-out policy wonks who want temporary, incremental increases in liberty at the cost of liberty in other areas, or don't toe the line of a given beltway thinktank, does not mean we are not also "for" a "positive alternative." The insufferable arrogance emanating from Palmer's perch is truly a sight to behold.

Lots of people are in opposition to the state: they include a great many people with whom I would not want to be categorized, such as criminals, terrorists, advocates of other forms of coercion and tyranny, such as a Caliphate or feudalism.

Yeah, deep, man, deep. Wot a great insight.

You know, lots of hippies and scumbums are also in favor of legalized drugs and prostitution too. Let me guess--you are not "merely" in favor of drug legalization. You are "more" than that, right? And you would not want to be "reduced" to a mere defender of porn or drug rights. Hey, I have an idea--why don't you realize the universalizability principle actually applies here? Hmmm?

I'm not just "against the state," because I favor liberty, which is why I favor restrictions on the state. When people enjoy more liberty, I am pleased by that, at the same time that I am mindful that injustices still exist.

Being a "contrarian" is being a second-hander, letting others dictate to you what you will stand against, rather than choosing that *for* which you will stand.

Whatever. Cue violins. When the Randroid lingo comes out, my eyes glaze over.

Of course, those fellow libertarians whom you malign and hate at the Mises Institute are in favor of liberty and individual rights.

And another:

Mr. Gregory, if a state were torturing people to death in truly cruel and unsual ways, would you join hands with Mr. Kinsella and march against the federal courts taking steps to stop such behavior? I would hope that you would leave Mr. Kinsella to march on his own, as would all of the rest of the libertarians on the planet.

Mr. Palmer, can you not read? I have admitted many times over the purely instrumental value of the US Constitution. I would not hesitate to oppose it where I thought it unlibertarian. As a matter of fact, I think it is unlibertarian and I think the federal state it set up ought to be disbanded. You would not I suspect, because we need a benevolent nanny to ride herd over the nasty, naughty states, and the feds are your daddy, aren't they? WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

If the state were torturing people, this would not change the fact that the US Constitution does not authorize the feds to stop it. Would I in some cases "want" the feds to march on the states to stop this anyway? I don't know. What has that to do with whether the Constitution authorizes this action? To my mind, integrity calls for an honest interpretation of the Constitution. Where it is illiberal, we can acknowledge this, and then consciously choose to abandon the Constitution, or try to change it.